100 Reasons Why It's Better To Be a Guy Rather Than A Girl
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your hind quarters are never a factor in a job interview.
13. *Needed To Be Censored*
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. *Needed to be Censored*
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. *Needed To Be Censored*
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be you friend.
32. Your underwear is for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial peeing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be President.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. *Needed To Be Censored*
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. *Censored*
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's [heiney] if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking, "He must be mad at me."
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a pop bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency outfit adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress ; Tux rental .
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's Sports Center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp [heiney] over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy [profilactives](is that spelled right?) without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "[Screw] it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog (or midget) is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. *Censored*
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. *Funny, but Censored*
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
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What's In My Fridge:
Here's what I have in my fridge:
-23 cans of Mountain Dew(in the vegetable bins)
-19 cans of A&W Root Beer
-5 cans of Pepsi
-1 can of Code Red Mountain Dew
-A mostly full bottle of ketchup
-An unopened bottle of mustard
-1/2 a bottle of chocolate sauce
-A plastic knife
-1/4 bottle of Picante Sauce
-1/2 jar of garlic parmesan sauce (pasta cheese sauce)
-1/2 bottle salsa con queso (salsa w/ cheese)
-Mostly empty bottle of Fritos chili-cheese sauce
-About 30 mini-peanut butter cups (Reese's)
-Some butter (not margarine)
-A straw
-1 pint of dried-out white rice
-Barely empty water filter pitcher
-1/2 a seran-wrapped spinach and feta cheese pizza that is covered in, what is scientifically called, slimy green stuff
-A chip clip
-A box with 2 slices of chicken, picante sauce, cream cheese and black olive pizza
-A box with one slice of sausage pizza drenched in, now flaky, butter-garlic sauce
-Box of cheese sticks with 7 containers of pizza sauce
-A near empty jar of Ragu Mushroom & Garlic spaghetti sauce
-A box with 2 slices of pizza (with everything) and 4 open containers of butter-garlic sauce
-A box with one cheese stick and 2 containers of garlic sauce
-1 pickle jar with 2 limp pickles
-1 pickle jar with no pickles
-Container of Starbuck's coffee
-3 slices of hot pepper-jack cheese
-6 slices of smoky, sharp cheddar cheese
-A shiny penny
-3 German Chocolate cake pudding cups
-2 tapioca pudding cups
-1 banana pudding cup
-1 apple pie a la mode pudding cup
-1 Tibbet's chocolate orange
-A small take-out container of fettuccine
-1 cup of Jello (un-determined flavor..."white")
-32 packets of soy sauce
-11 packets of duck sauce
-1 container of maple syrup
-9 packets of spicy mustard
-3 packets of ketchup
-1 empty plastic shopping bag
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